commentary of semiramiss' essay

Overall Semiramiss’ essay was written very well and there wasn’t much I would change about it. She clearly stated what the problem was in her first paragraph of the essay. I think it is a good topic because it is something that most households can relate to. Also, it is a topic that is serious and relevant for the time. She didn’t exaggerate the problem at all and it applies to a large amount of people, especially in America. Skeptics may doubt the effectiveness of the solution, just because it is hard with all the violent video games out there to just ban every violent video game all together. It would be something that would take a lot of effort and time and even after that there would still be people with violent video games out there or maybe even illegal bootlegs of these games. I think that you should have wrote more about how they should be outside playing and how it is causing obesity too because you touched on this topic in the beginning of your paper but never brought it up again, or perhaps just drop that part where you mention those topics. I did like how you brought up possible problems, like how the sales of video games might go down, but it will not cost the state(s) any money. If it is helping kids be less violent and more emotionally stable that yes it out ways the cost. I don’t think that a skeptic would bring up counterproposals in her paper because she mentioned that a possible solution might be that you have to be eighteen or older to enter video game stores that sell or offer these violent video games. It was good that you put examples of how these games are effecting the children that grow up playing them.

reflection on ethical paper

I was very happy with my essay after revising it with the help of Mr. Brown’s feedback. I changed a lot of grammar errors to help my essay flow more and make more sense as you read it. I also eased into my thesis much better after revising it from my draft, with the help of Mr. Brown’s revision notes and I think that helped it a lot by giving more information on vivisection before I actually gave my side on the topic. Also, in my second paragraph I gave a too big of word for word quote that took up too much space and was unnecessary so then I paraphrased it, only mentioning the details the reader needed to know. Another thing that I changed that I think greatly help improve my paper was that I mentioned a quote from Darwin in the third paragraph and with the help from Mr. Brown he suggested that I elaborate on the importance of that quote and turn it into a whole separate paragraph, which really helped me prove my argument in my paper. In my second to last paragraph I had information that didn’t really belong in that paragraph so I put it in the previous paragraph and it made way more sense. I also changed how I started out my conclusion because it wasn’t really formal and clear before.

6 harsh truths

1.       Are we too lazy to change the things in our lives that we don’t like?

2.       Why are we so sensitive when someone tells us a harsh truth?

3.       Are the majority of people satisfied being “miserable”?

I think as human beings we like to complain about the things we don’t like about ourselves and about the things we don’t like about or in our lives. This being said, I think that most humans aren’t quick to change the things we don’t like about our lives because we think that the hassle to change is greater than the outcome. What I’m basically trying to say that humans are lazy, at least the majority. As David Wong said in his article; we want to be skinny without working out or changing what we eat, we want to get the pretty girl without even approaching her, etc. Many of us obsess with things we want but aren’t willing to work for it, we rather settle for things in life just because it is easier for us. I’m not sure what other reason to give for this other than that we are naturally lazy beings. Not only are we lazy but we are ultra-sensitive too, especially when someone gives us a harsh truth. Personally, I think that this is something that is only getting worse and worse as times goes on because now a days children are raised being told that they are the best and can do anything. Therefore when someone tells them their not the best and didn’t achieve something they take it personally and don’t know how to handle it. No matter if we change, there will just always be those people that want things in lives more than others and those will be the people that succeed in life and achieve their goals. And for the rest of the people they are satisfied being “miserable.”