In response to Semiramiss's essay, the opening is
great and I really like the first sentence because I think that everyone can
relate that we all us and/or rely on technology. The point of the essay is
stated very clearly in the introductory paragraph. I also like how you don’t
shoot down how technology and the internet are helpful to us and that it is not
all negative. Your main reasons are stated in the first paragraph, which is
good. I think you should have included not staying in touch with family and
friends as part of your three reasons in the intro because it is a topic you
speak about in your body paragraphs.
I also enjoyed how you admitted that
you might also be someone who overuses technology because you are relating to
the reader and not just saying how people that use technology too much are lazy. I also liked the quotes you
chose from different articles, they fit well with what you’re talking about and
back up your argument. You also have good rebuttals’ and back up your arguments
well.
One thing that confused was the part
where you talked about how the percentage of people addicted to the internet is
correlated with the amount of people addicted to cocaine or alcohol, I’m not
really sure if that is a valid correlation and you might not want to add that
in your paper. But if you did, I would elaborate on it more and explain in
detail, possibly taking a full paragraph. All in all I enjoyed ready your
paper, even though I wrote about the exact opposite view point haha. I could
still relate and understand your points and view on how technology may be affecting
us badly. I wrote the same thing in my essay how technology is making us
lazier, so I do agree with you on that!
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