commentary of semiramiss' essay

Overall Semiramiss’ essay was written very well and there wasn’t much I would change about it. She clearly stated what the problem was in her first paragraph of the essay. I think it is a good topic because it is something that most households can relate to. Also, it is a topic that is serious and relevant for the time. She didn’t exaggerate the problem at all and it applies to a large amount of people, especially in America. Skeptics may doubt the effectiveness of the solution, just because it is hard with all the violent video games out there to just ban every violent video game all together. It would be something that would take a lot of effort and time and even after that there would still be people with violent video games out there or maybe even illegal bootlegs of these games. I think that you should have wrote more about how they should be outside playing and how it is causing obesity too because you touched on this topic in the beginning of your paper but never brought it up again, or perhaps just drop that part where you mention those topics. I did like how you brought up possible problems, like how the sales of video games might go down, but it will not cost the state(s) any money. If it is helping kids be less violent and more emotionally stable that yes it out ways the cost. I don’t think that a skeptic would bring up counterproposals in her paper because she mentioned that a possible solution might be that you have to be eighteen or older to enter video game stores that sell or offer these violent video games. It was good that you put examples of how these games are effecting the children that grow up playing them.